Something weird happened recently. We came home from a party and our power was out again. I suppose our power lines and poles can't withstand the Armegeddon-like thunderstorms that become common in late summer, I don't know. And I wouldn't really care too terribly much, except that no power = no water for us because we don't have city water. And no water for us means weeping and gnashing of teeth in our house, because my wife can't stand to think about going to bed without being squeaky clean. For her, no water and no bath at night ranks right up there on the list of tragedies with car crashes, trees falling on the house, and missing a sale at Belk.
Anyway, we came home and the power was out. Gavin had a friend sleeping over, so I encouraged the kids to go outside to the pool for a swim. Swimming in the dark seemed much better than sitting inside in the dark. After lighting a few candles, Gavin, Landon, Cole, and I got dressed to go for a night time swim. Savanna just came out to talk, not to swim. Gavin came out several minutes later than the others, and we began the mandatory Marco Polo game. Savanna then told us "Momma's already asleep". Gavin said "no she's not, I just came out. She's trying to put the fire out in the candle." That aroused my curiosity, because why would she have to "try" to put out a candle? So I asked, and this is the story I got from Gavin....
"Well Dad, I was doing #2 in the bathroom and it was dark. So I had taken one of the candles in there so I could see." (Brent's Note: this was a Bath and Beyond candle in a glass jar, not a candle on a candlestick). Gavin continued, "When I got finished, I picked up the candle because I wanted to check that I got everything clean (note: think about it, I don't want to go into too much detail...). When I did, I dropped some of the toilet paper and it fell into the candle and caught on fire."
I suppose if that were the end of the story it would be pretty funny. However....
I asked Gavin what he did with the candle. He told me that he "took it to Mom and she was trying to put the fire out." Hearing that, I was ready to continue Marco Polo because I was "it", and because I'm pretty darn good at Marco Polo when my competition is two 12 year olds and a 9 year old, and because I couldn't imagine Rhonda having much trouble putting out a toilet paper fire in a Bath and Body candle. So, the game ensued.
Shortly, I hear Rhonda call out the back door for Savanna to bring her candle inside, because she needs it. I thought nothing of it and continued my Marco Polo domination. I think it's fair to consider me the Babe Ruth/Michael Jordan/Lawrence Taylor of 12 year old Marco Polo. Anyway, a few minutes later I heard a banshee screaming in our backyard. Obviously it was a female, teenage banshee because it was screaming "DADDY!!!!!" I used my keen logic and deductive reasoning skills to determine that the banshee was Savanna, screaming at me from the back door.
I looked towards the house and saw a bright orange glow from inside. For about 1 second I thought, "That's odd, I wouldn't think a candle would make a glow that bright or large". In the next second I connected the bright orange glow inside with the Savanna/Banshee screaming and thought "They're gonna burn the kitchen down!" so I jumped out of the pool and sprinted into the house. Although I like to think I'm still pretty agile, I wasn't so quick that Gavin, Landon, and Cole weren't right on my heels. Sprinting into the house, I hear Cole repeating, Rainman style, "They're gonna burn the house down! They're gonna burn the house down! Mom and Savanna are gonna burn the house down!" I suppose he intended to keep repeating that until someone agreed with him or assured him that it wasn't so. Unfortunately, I coudn't do the latter.
When I got inside I saw a the Bath and Body candle, which was about 3 inches tall and 3 inches in diameter. The candle had a fire coming from it that had to be at least a foot and a half high and a foot wide. Glass had shattered on the counter. The smell good candle wax was everywhere. Rhonda looked in a panic. Cole just exclaimed his 8th "They're gonna burn the house down!" And all I could think was, "how could Gavin have caused all this by taking a candle in to the bathroom when he used the toilet?" And how did it go from the unfortunate act of dropping a little toilet paper in the candle to a volunteer fire department training exercise?
Turns out, Savanna and Rhonda tried to solve the problem themselves so they wouldn't have to call on dear old Dad. When it was still rather small, Rhonda thought she'd just blow it out. After trying, she discovered what's meant by the phrase "fanning the flames" of a fire. Then Savanna decided to put some water on it. We had very little (remember, no power = no water), and according to Rhonda our water is actually 87 octane gasoline, because our water made this fire grow like a Ch Ch Ch Chia pet under water. At that point, Rhonda conceded defeat and dispatched the screaming banshee to call us in from the pool. Being the cool headed, cave man protector, I swooped in like Mighty Mouse so many years ago to save the day. After I roasted a marshmallow on the open flames and told a few ghost stories, I asked Rhonda to hand me the dish towel. I used the towel to smother the fire and to squash this catastrophe like a bug. Rhonda was thankful until she heard Landon say "why didn't you just do that the first time Mrs. Rhonda? When you smother the fire it can't get oxygen and it will go out." Rhonda quickly replied with a "Zip it, Landon", so that settled that. I'm thankful to say that no one was injured, it only took 7 minutes to clean up the glass and wax on the counter, and we were able to quickly return to the pool and my quest for Marco Polo Hall of Fame status. Already got my speech ready....just get the bust polished and ready and give me the mic.
I'm so buying you guys all flash lights for Christmas!
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